Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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