Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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