I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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