I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
