dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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