Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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