Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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