All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
