I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
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He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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