yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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