is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
