It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
sex in a hospital.. check
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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