I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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