did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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