im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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