she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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