the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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