if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
