My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
