You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
