She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i out mim tonsoeep
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