# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im six kinds of drunk right now
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
