dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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