it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
