I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i barfeds in our rink
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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