i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
