I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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