Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
