just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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