Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
