I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
