The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
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so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
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I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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