I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
