I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
