Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
