Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
