Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
