spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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