she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
