better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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