im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize