I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
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I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
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Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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