she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
