I showed him my bush... on skype.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
