If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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