yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
