I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
