I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
