Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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