I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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