it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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