That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You ruined the universe
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
