I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
