yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
