my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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