No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
