Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
