it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
