Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
People in love make me want to vomit
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
