You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
