A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
