If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
