Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
