Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
